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Articles - Joke books - knowing jokes makes it easier to tell them.

Funny quotes are often used to begin a sales presentation or to begin a speech about something important like the 25th wedding anniversary of the lucky couple. Funny quotes must be chosen carefully and judiciously to achieve the right effect, much like funny comics plan their material carefully. In these politically correct times, clean jokes are a must if it is a large or business gathering. A good, funny quote is like those funny cartoons in the newspaper they lighten up the whole thing.

Funny commercials (often seen on shows about funny videos) are often more successful than any other in terms of sales except for the really annoying ones that you just can't forget. That is why a car dealer, used car or not, will often have really annoying commercials: they are memorable. Well, a funny quote to open or close a public presentation is much like a commercial: often, if people remember something, it will be the funny part: the funny quotes You would think joke books or funny comics would be a good source for funny quotes but more often than not joke books contain funny stories, some of them kind of long, and what you are looking for is just a few words and, after all, not everybody can deliver a deliver a good, clean joke but most anyone can deliver a funny quote.

Often the best source for funny quotes are, believe it or not, not funny comics but the dictionary ( in the back pages). Politicians can often be a good source for funny quotes or clean jokes and you do not even have to quote them word-for-word. If you can do a good Bill Clinton or George Dubya Bush, you can change the words around and still have the same effect. For example, in your best Bill Clinton voice, begin by saying "I did not (replace "sleep" with "talk, eat, meet, what ever is appropriate to the situation. Or, in your best Dubya voice, mispronounce a few words, people will get the point.

The best source for funny quotes is, of course, funny comics. Rita Rudner, a brilliant comedienne, once said, "Some people get so rich they lose respect for everybody else. I want to be that rich." However, not only funny people say funny, useful things. Some guy, can't remember who, once said, "Sex is like bridge: If you do not have a good partner you better have a good hand." That is exactly the kind of funny quote you can change to a clean joke and to your advantage: for example: "Business is like bridge: if you do not have a good partner, you better have good business cards."

Even dead guys, and the deader and more famous the better, can be funny people and can be a source of good, clean jokes.

For example:

Disraeli: "Every woman should marry --and no man" -- "It destroys ones nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being."
William Ross Wallace: "For the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world."
Bill Nye: "Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
Richard Lanoie: "Britney Spears' music is better than it sounds."
Bacon: "A man finds himself seven years older the day after his marriage."
Danish Proverb: "A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple."

Funny quotes can be adapted. You can easily adapt the funny quotes you have just read. For example: "A rich husband and a poor wife are always a happy couple." American proverb.

Richard Lanoie

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