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Articles - Jokes

Jokes. The answer to the second oldest question manking has asked itself after which came first, the chicken or the egg. The question? What is funny? Jokes are funny. The problem is that when it comes to funny jokes there is no concensus as to what is funny. Some people think April fools jokes are funny while other people find april fools jokes merely childish. Many people like redneck jokes. If you and your friends sit around drinking a few beers telling redneck jokes? You might be a redneck! There are adult oriented jokes, jokes for adults, kids' jokes (of the elephant in the fridge school) like:

Q: What do you call a midget fortune-teller who escapes from jail?
A: Small medium at large.

Q: How do you get rid of a boomerang?
A: Throw it down a one-way street.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.

Q: What do you call a train that carries bubblegum?

A: A chew chew train.

There are also political jokes like:

Q: What do you call someone who doesn't share your political views?
A radical.

Q: What do you call a political promise?
A: April fools!

There are funny jokes about professions like:

A psychiatrist is someone who beats a psychopath to your door.

Q: What do you call a musician who just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around musicians but doesn't know music?
A singer (or a drummer)

Q: How do you get a heavy metal guitarist to lower the volume?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.

And my favorite, also a funny riddle:

Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But it takes eight visits.

There are as many Bill Gates jokes as defects in the Microsoft operating system. I mean, if Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashes.... Wait! He does!! Or: On his wedding night, Bill Gates' wife looked at her new husband in the privacy of the nuptial suite and said "Now I know why you called it Microsoft!"

There are many problems with telling jokes. The main one is most people who say they have a sense of humor don't. We live in a politically correct world where Hellen Keller jokes are verboten (How did Hellen Keller burn her fingers? She was trying to read the waffle iron) and any funny story making fun of anybody of any kind and any persuasion will send some people to the ACLU to lodge a complaint. What do you call three lawyers buried up to their neck in sand? A job that needs to be finished. Or: Two blondes were recently found dead at the local drive-in. They had gone to see "Closed For The Winter."

Religion is also the source of many funny jokes.

Q: What do you call someone who is not an Orthodox Jew?
A: Jew-ish.

Priests have been the butt (baaaad pun) of jokes lately.

Q: What is the opposite of missionary style?
A: Choirboy style.

And then there is the wonderful world of politics. The world of politics is also the source of many of our more current jokes and some old chestnuts.

Q: What did Bill Clinton want to first call his dog?
A: Out, out damn spot!

Q: What do you call a rich redneck?
A: A republican.

Q: What is the difference between a democrat and a republican?
A: A democrat is someone whose personal interest is not in jeopardy for the moment.

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Well, let's see. We have to set up a committee to research the subject, go on a fact finding mission in Bermuda to find facts, we have to talk to the lightbulb lobby, the electricity lobby, the coal lobby, General Electric, we have get the Pentagon to buy a few lightbulbs at 4 or 5 million dollars each but unlink our opponents, we promise that there will be light in the future, that the light will be good, and that should we have to tax lightbulbs it will be done on a revenue neutral basis (which means if your revenue is neutral you will pay the tax).

Jokes. So many kinds and so many supports. There are email jokes, funny bumber stickers, funny tshirts, funny caps, funny pranks like the whoopee cushion or the dribble glass, there are joke books, jokes in every form and format be it on the internet or in Reader's Digest or on web sites all over the place.

Richard Lanoie

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