The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human
Mackenzie Astin, Carmen Electra
Originally released 1999
Mill Creek Entertainment 2016

The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human is a paint-by-numbers by-the-book romcom created solely for the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy style commentary track by David Hyde Pierce of Frasier fame. Pierce is the voice of an alien anthropologist who hasn’t really done his research so gets many of his facts and interpretations wrong and that is why this movie is really funny. The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human is, for me, one of the surprises in Mill Creek Entertainment’s Comedy 20 Movie Collection. A complete list of the movies follows this review

It is clear from start writer director Jeff Abugov had both National Geographic and Douglas Adam’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in mind. For example, The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human opens with these lines:

“Of all the creatures in the universe, none possess the mating ritual as complex, as perverse, as tragically beautiful as the earthbound human. More passionate than the Orktamus of Centali Five, more neurotic than the Sleekanda of Sleewa, it is a wonder that these furry creatures have not gone extinct millenia ago. But in spite of their self-inflicted paradox, their numbers grow at a rapid pace, over-consuming their tiny planet. For it is from these creatures that we have acquired the universal expression “fuck like people.”

The narrator gets a few facts straight such as The Male having to give some sacrifice of bits of green paper to get past the guard at the nightclub who then “places a symbol of ink upon the male’s hand, proof to the world that the male is ready to mate.”

But he mostly gets it wrong. The Male does not give The Female flowers for sustenance in preparation for a mating ritual. This one is also pretty good: While The Male (Mackenzie Astin) is going down on The Female (Carmen Electra) The narration goes “As mating grows ever nearer, the male uses his tongue to explore the female’s womb, clearing the passageway of any debris so that the infant will have an easy voyage into their world. /  Electra: Oh God! / Narration: It is painful for her, but for the good of their child, she makes the sacrifice.  It is counterbalanced with a scene where The Female goes down on The Male: “The female attempts to swallow the male’s seed for only through the sense of taste can she know that his seed is healthy and will produce a strong child.” / The Male: Oh God! Oh God! / Narrator: The male prays to his deity to make his seed strong and healthy.

A great running gag, literally, is the spematozoa on a runing track constantly running into a giant wall made of blue gym mats because either The Male or The Female is wearing a shield made of tree sap (latex). There are other great moments in this romantic comedy, one of the best in this twenty movie set

The Mating Habits of the Earthboud Human is something completely different.

The other movies included in Mill Creek Entertainment’s Ccomedy 20 Movie Collection are:

Punchline (1988) / R Sally Field, Tom Hanks

Postcards from the Edge (1990) / R Meryl Streep, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Quaid

Hollywood Homicide (2003) / R Harrison Ford, Josh Harnett, Lena Olin, Lolita Davidovich

Hudson Hawk (1991) / R Bruce Willis, Andie MacDowell, Danny Aiello

The Freshman (1990) / PG Matthew Broderick. Marlon Brando, Bruno Kirby

Cops and Robbersons (1994) / PG Chevy Chase, Jack Palance, Dianne Wiest

Threesome (1994) / R Lara Flynn Boyle, Stephen Baldwin, Josh Charles

Wilder Napalm (1993) / PG-13 Debra Winger, Dennis Quaid, Arliss Howard

The Velocity of Gary (1998) / R Vincent D Onofrio, Salma Hayek, Thomas Jayne

Go! (1999) / R William Fichtner, Katie Holmes, Jay Mohr, Sarah Polley, Scott Wolf

Hexed (1993) / R Arye Gross, Claudia Christian

Jersey Girl (1992) / PG-13 Dylan McDermott, Jami Gertz, Sheryl Lee

The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human (1999) / R Mackenzie Astin, Carmen Electra,

The Suburbans (1999) / R Jennifer Love Hewitt, Craig Bierko, Amy Brenneman, Will Ferrell

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007) / R John C. Reilly, Kristen Wiig, Tim Meadows

The Brothers Solomon (2007) / R Will Arnett, Will Forte, Kristen Wiig

Just Add Water (2008) / R Dylan Walsh, Jonah Hill, Danny Devito

Can’t Hardly Wait (1998) / PG-13 Ethan Embry, Seth Green, Jennifer Love Hewitt

High School High (1996) / PG-13 Jon Lovitz, Tia Carrere, Mekhi Phifer

Dancer, Texas – Pop. 81 (1998) / PG Breckin Meyer, Peter Facinelli, Eddie Mills II