Private Benjamin Blonde and Dangerous
Jessica Simpson, Steve Guttenberg, Vivica A Fox
Directed by Steve Miner
Sony Pictures Home Entertainment 2009
98 minutes
Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. Those who forgot Private Benjamin are doomed to Private Valentine, a straight to DVD comedy starring Jessica Simpson. To say this is a Miner movie is not only a godawful pun, it is the truth. At least Goldie Hawn could act. Many flaws and all though, Private Valentine Blonde & Dangerous is not that bad (if you have not seen the original).
Blonde bombshell actress Megan Valentine (Jessica Simpson and the typecasting is not the actress part) has a movie that bombs, an accountant who took all her money (based on recent Wall Street events, perhaps), and nothing left. She wakes up in front of an army recruitment office, signs up, and is shipped to basic training. The rest is the same as Private Benjamin.
Rule number one of movies is never hire actors more talented than you are: this gives you an idea how bad the supporting cast is in Private Valentine. Goldie Hawn was not afraid of talent like Eileen Brennan or Hal Williams, Jessica Simpson has Vivica A Fox play the drill sergeant and some muscleheads play the other instructors.
The only surprises in Private Valentine Blonde & Dangerous are her bunkmates do not kill her in her sleep for being so inept and someone else than the Private Benjamin scriptwriters got credit for this DVD. Hell, even the final shot is the same.
Private Valentine Blonde & Dangerous is not that bad but not that great either.
Of course, no one mentions most of Valentine’s army friends go and get shot in Iraq and are forced to stay there beyond their original contract because of stop-loss.